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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Vision of the future

It's 2038. HMS Indefensible has been handed over to the Royal Navy...

Today in a grand ceremony at Portsmouth dockyard HMS Indefensible was commissioned into the Royal Navy. Described as the most stealthy warship in the world, she is now the only vessel in the Royal Navy and replaces 2 mothballed aircraft carriers, 6 destroyers and 4 submarines. Responding to criticism about the shrinking fleet, the MoD replied "It's not about numbers, it's about quality not quantity. HMS Indefensible represents a revolution in naval procurement, stealthy, light and agile she will provide a highly flexible platform. She is invisible to radar and almost immune to torpedo or missile attack. Her shallow draft makes her ideal for work in the littoral (coastal) areas. She is also highly efficient with virtually zero carbon emissions and zero fuel consumption "

Admiral Sir James Bland added "She is ready to respond instantly to events and can be deployed to trouble spots anywhere in the world. The RAF have promised to fly her to wherever she's needed provided (1)They are not busy (2)The weather is OK (3)There is a large airfield provided by a friendly foreign nation close by".

Constructed by Britain's only ship builder BVATe Systems in Birmingham, taking 8 years to build, and costing just £1.5 Billion she is a triumph of British engineering. Her forward section was built in China in 2 weeks and then shipped to the UK. The forward section was then joined to the stern built in Birmingham and the complex technical systems installed. However the programme was not all plain sailing and has not been without its problems "The original design included an outboard motor but early in the building process the Treasury insisted cost savings had to be made so out went the motor. After some time spent on computer-modelling and research we selected oars" said a BVATe spokesperson.

Although £1.2 Billion over-budget and 3 years late, Secretary of State for Defence, William Bragg says we can all be proud "The Type 48 programme has sustained 10,000 British manufacturing jobs in addition to 30,000 civil servants in the MoD project team. She will represent the leading edge of British manufacturing wherever she goes and is worth every penny" Bragg is also says he is hoping to see export orders soon although as yet there has been little interest.

Some observers have commented that her lack of any armament could be a problem but the MoD answered robustly "The Foreign Office advised us that carrying weapons can be seen as provocative and that actually firing a weapon at someone would definitely infringe their human rights. We considered this advice at an early stage in the design process and together with the fabulous cost-savings, the case for having no armament was overwhelming".

Her commanding officer, Commander Rupert Tubworthy-Pollock said "To be selected from the 1,200 officers still serving in the RN for the only seagoing command available is a great privilege. Bringing her out of build and into commission has been a huge challenge but I'm confident she will prove to be a great asset".

With a crew of just 2, she is a fine example of lean-manning, reducing running costs and lessening the RN's recruitment headaches. Her crew, AB "soapy" Watson said "On my last ship I had to share the mess with 40 other men but on the new Type 48 sharing is far a less of a problem. As I'm now the only rating in the Royal Navy I have a lot of responsibility".

HMS Indefensible is expected to complete sea trials shortly, go to Plymouth for Operational Sea Training, have a short refit in Rosyth and then and be deployed as part of the new Euro-Navy task force.

3:03 AM

22 Comments:

Anonymous said...: This is fantastic, at last after years of neglect we now have a navy to be proud of, Admiral Lord Nelson would be chuffed to bits with this magnificent piece of British engineering.; December 16, 2008 9:04 AM
G Brown said...: This is really good news for Fife, this vessel will be in refit for 15 years which will guarantee work for 47000 people, this is testimony to the prudent decisions I made for the country when I was Prime Minister at roughly the same time that I saved the world.; December 16, 2008 9:18 AM
Anonymous said...: Typical, where were these magnificent vessels when we were invaded back in 2010.; December 16, 2008 9:49 AM
Jack said...: I am delighted with this new state of the art warship, but I must point out the Royal Navy must not rest on it's laurels, the First Sea Lord should be at the MoD demanding another 2 of these very impressive vessels.; December 16, 2008 1:12 PM
Trenchfoot said...: The launch of this magnificent warship has proved once again that the Royal Navy is still a first rate power to be reckoned with! The pirates of Somalia will be scared out of the water when they see Indefensible' bows slicing thro' the waters to meet them in battle!!

Huzzah!; December 16, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Has anybody e-mailed this page to Gordon Brown, John Hutton, David Cameron and Liam Fox yet?; December 17, 2008 4:57 AM
Horrified Labour Voter said...: This is outrageous, all this war posturing will come to no good. Spending all those billions of pounds on a vessel whose only purpose is to kill innocent people is a scandal of the highest order. We could be feeding starving people around the world. If Gordon Brown was still Prime Minister this disgusting messenger of death would never have been built, we should be giving aid to countries like India and Pakistan, not building warships.; December 17, 2008 10:05 AM
angryfan said...: This sad article is actually a horrific look into the future of our once great navy. Is it true that the Royal Navy has recently commissioned a number of Jet Skis into the fleet as base defence vessells in portsmouth and devonport? if so will Gordon " the Baffoon" Brown and his side kicks count them as warshipe when counting the fighting strength of the navy?; December 18, 2008 8:43 AM
Anonymous said...: With a few more of these warships we might even get close to being the same size as the Belgian navy.; December 28, 2008 4:53 AM
Anonymous said...: Lovely Jubbly. At least 2 Rear-Admirals can fit into this vessel. Not sure where the Matelots go, but then its all about 'management' nowadays!!

Teflon Tony. Emperor of These United Marxist States of Europe.; December 30, 2008 8:00 AM
greenie said...: I can't wait for the next fleet review. Perhaps the reviewing fleet of vessels for dignitaries will swamp her and put us all out of misery.; January 1, 2009 5:56 AM
Bunts said...: As an ex serving member of the RN, why wasnt this magnificent vessel available for such worthwhile campaigns e.g. Gulf patrol, fishery protection to mention just a couple. I feel let down having to serve in such antiquated ships as HMShips Zulu, Rhyl and Arethusa. Long live the New RN.; January 4, 2009 5:01 PM
Anonymous said...: It's all very well, and good luck to Jack, but this spanking new warship comes at a very great cost. As a consequence the Army's new armoured Go-Kart and heavy duty catapault have both been cancelled.

And just at a time when those bullies over the road are looking a bit feisty.

T Atkins; January 7, 2009 2:47 PM
Anonymous said...: As the most decorated rated person in the history of the RN, I MUST say this: our new and improved warship, with all of it's advanced socio-political and pseudo-scientific advancements, is bloody grand. Lead balls GRAND! Unfortunately, the specs and blueprints, which cost us billions for research and development of this single production model, has already been pilfered by those Americans.
I say, and I want all of the UK's support with this...LET THE AMERICANS HAVE IT! What say you all???; January 8, 2009 2:39 PM
Peter Watson said...: Better yet why not man her with Barney Rubble and or a couple of the muppets from the MOD. Just think of the fear they would put into the hearts of the enemy, because of their reputation of PC alone. The enormouse amount of money the British public would save even if they lost a few crewmen which could easily be replaced by an endless supply of muppets. Well Done MOD. Proud to be British, Yeah right.; January 31, 2009 2:14 AM
Rog the Dodge said...: I'm a little concerned about communications whilst at sea. Has 'Soapy' had extensive training in Naval Communications? I have a pair of signalling flags the "Andrew" can borrow for a small fee (£1.2million), also a signalling lamp(torch),very reasonable at £1.8million. However, should there be a 'heavy sea mist' whilst the vessel is at sea, could I recommend the (quite) loud, morse buzzer- remarkable value at £3million...this will however require further training (possibly 2 years) also somebody to ACTUALLY hear/read the signal..; January 31, 2009 8:34 AM
SWO said...: As a YANK Sailor of many years experience I note with dismay that the oars are not compatible with our own US Navy future Canoe initiative. If we want to continue the historic UKN/USN ability to interoperate we need to rationalize our oar procurement programs. I propose a series of bi and eventually multi-national working groups be held under NATO Auspices to address this issue. I volunteer to serve as Secretary for them and suggest the venue change per meeting to prevent the appearance of favoritism in selection of the eventual sources of supply.
We could start in a neutral location, say Greece and work our way around the Alliance, meeting quarterly until this issue is resolved to the satisfaction of all, or our livers fail, whichever comes first.; March 24, 2009 3:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Size does not matter in modern naval warfare ...

I am inspired to contemplate some of the great slogans of Anglo-American naval history.

"Engage the enemy more closely!"

[unless the navy lawyer standing at the shoulder of the admiral like a parrot says "no!"]

"I have not yet begun to fight!"

['cause we no longer know how and someone might get hurt]

"Don't Give up the Ship!"

['cause there is nothing left for us to give up]

"England confides that every man [person] shall do his [her] duty!"

Perhaps the future submarines of the RN/USN submarine forces will be camouflaged in yellow!; March 25, 2009 5:38 AM
Anonymous said...: Nice to see the Royal Navy of the future, fitted for but not with warships; April 1, 2009 1:21 PM
Anonymous said...: You may well laugh at this but I am willing to wager £2,000,000 that this will come true.If you wish to collect on this,I will be found in my local burial ground as I shall be 95 years old.; May 27, 2009 9:07 AM
Anonymous said...: HMS Indefensible has been sold.

The MOD confirmed today that the Royal Navies only warship has been sold to Romania for the knock down price of 1 euro, as part of the deal HMS Indefensible will undergo a £300 billion pound refit paid for by the MOD, Mr Brown (the greatest prime minister ever ever)said the money saved from getting rid of this ship will go to housing imigrants and thirds world countries.; August 1, 2009 5:22 AM
Anonymous said...: Hmm... Wow!! Am not british, just a German, but i'm very proud now!! First time since 1901 the Royal Navy goes to be stronger n bigger than the German Navy!! God, what a mess!! This very powerful ship is more than a destroyer, Jesus, it's the second "Dreadnought"!! Hope our navy goes the same way!!; January 20, 2010 9:00 PM