HMS Quorn minehunter

An ode to efficiencies

Who will notice another minehunter gone?
Sandown and Bridport, sold for a song.
Bicester and Berkeley, Inverness, too
When we’re short of a quid what must we do?
Pick on the humble MCMV, axe little ships nobody sees.

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Nicola Sturgeon Royal Navy

Nicola Sturgeon has left politics to join the Royal Navy

Today it has emerged that the First Minister of Scotland and leader of the Scottish National Party has resigned from public life to pursue a career in the navy. Speaking recently she said, “I’ve been a politician for 30 years but the navy has finally given me a purpose and a chance to turn my life around”.

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HMS Forth OPV

Exclusive: Junior Defence Minister opens up about his shipbuilding heartbreak

On the day HMS Forth is launched we managed to get a transcript of this exclusive interview. Freddie Hackworthy, former defence reporter for the Daily Star talks with Defence Procurement Minister, the Right Honourable Graham Gittins, MP.

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Spanish Warship Gibraltar waters

The cycle of Spanish incursions into Gibraltar waters

HMS Alliance

HMS Alliance to be re-commissioned into active service with the Royal Navy

HMS Alliance as a museum vessel, soon to rejoin the Royal Navy submarine flotilla.

Admiral Tubworthy-Pollock has announced today that Museum submarine HMS Alliance is to be recommissioned back into active service with the Royal Navy.“With our submarine fleet rather below optimum size for the sustained tempo of operations currently undertaken, we saw what superb restoration work those fine chaps down in Gosport had done and the opportunity to operate this valuable asset was too good to miss”

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“Admiral, I’ve been asked to invite you to choose which of your arms you would prefer to cut off”

Ahh come in my dear chap. Firstly Admiral I would like to pay tribute to all the hard work, bravery and sacrifices you have made in service of your country. All my colleagues in Parliament would like to say how proud we are of you and all those serving in our wonderful armed forces. I’m sure you’ll have heard by now, but due to the terrible financial mess left by my predecessor we’ve been forced to make some efficiencies. We spent a whole week conducting a very careful analysis and an in-depth review and here on the back of this fag packet is our new national strategy for defence.

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Royal Navy: Relegated from the Premiership

In a stormy meeting Chairman and owner of Royal Navy FC, Mr Cameron, met with his beleaguered manager Mr Stanhope and told him to “Put up or shut up, focus on the football while I run the club”. The meeting followed a press conference where Stanhope admitted that RNFC would struggle to win anything this season as the playing squad was now just too small.

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HMS Indefensible

A vision of the future…

It’s 2038. HMS Indefensible has been handed over to the Royal Navy…

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